How do you deal with hubris?
Posted by Dr. Earl R. Smith II in Questions, tags: adviser, advisory board, angel investor, board of directors, CEO, chairman, coaching, consulting, director, earl r smith ii, earl smith, Executive Coaching, federal circle, federal contracting, funding, Governance, government contractor, investing, investment, investor, Leadership, leadership assessment, leadership coaching, leadership development, leadership styles, management assessment, managing partner, Personal Growth, the federal circle, turnaround, Turnaround Management, Venture CapitalDr. Earl R. Smith II
Managing Partner, The Federal Circle
DrSmith@Dr-Smith.com
Dr-Smith.com
The dictionary defines hubris as excessive pride displayed by a character and often taking the form of a boastful comparison of the self to the divine, the gods, or other higher powers. It is most often used as a negative term implying arrogant, excessive self-pride.
We all encounter these types of people. My question is: What strategies have you found effective in dealing with them? What do you do when you encounter hubris?
© Dr. Earl R. Smith II
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Dr. Smith is Managing Partner of The Federal Circle. The Federal Circle partners with teams and existing companies. We help them up their game and win big in the Federal space. We also arrange funding for acquisitions and expansion by acquisition. Our model is based on the belief that, if you select the very best and work with them in a highly professional and focused manner, the results will be truly amazing. He is the author of Amazing Pace: Turbo-charged Business Development – a book that shows how Advisory Boards can dramatically increase revenue. Dr. Smith is also the author of Dream Walk: Parables for the Living – a book of Raven Tales and exploration.
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Earl,
Thank you for your personal question and for presenting it in this manner and for providing the opportunity to participate in this discussion.
Life is a school and we’re continuously presented with learning situations.
To me, when things like this happen, the answer is always within. First of all, your self worth does not depend on what other people think of you and you do not depend upon the opinions of other people. If it does and you don’t like this, then this could be a belief you want to consciously and conscientiously work on to change.
Over the years when counseling/mentoring people, I often heard that they did not like it one bit, that at the end in communications like these, it apparently all ‘returned’ to them – and the other person could “do what they want to”. Fortunately, I have to say, it does. People do what they do – they live their own life. No one knows what their life is about and what they need to experience, as we are at the same time dedicated to figuring out what our own life is about. Growth doesn’t occur when these learning moments would ‘turn itself away’ from us, in other words, if we continue to view these as ‘exterior’ circumstances happen to us.
Therefore, I would suggest to welcome these circumstances, embrace them, self-reflect and make the most out of the opportunity for learning and growth you have been given. Then, you can, in freedom decide to provide a reply to these communications, or not.
In addition, I can guarantee you that once you’ve changed your belief (your unique mind programming) about these situations, you won’t find them occurring any more in your life. When the learning is done – your station’s frequency changes and another ‘audience’ is being attracted.
Kind regards,
Johan
Posted by Johan Reinhoudt
Be the wise when the others play crazy,
Posted by mohamed amroussi
Dr. Smith and all:
Dealing with negative people, or insults:
1. Calm down, they just had a bad day
2. Say something like, “Yes, that is an interesting point. But I believe that doing
….. will probably alleviate any issues, because ……”
When someone purposely insult you, or get your mad, you need to stay coooooooool. I learn from my mentor Li, when I was 7 years old, in Taiwan. Li said, “Let the other guy win, and walk away”.
When I came to USA in 1970, my Jewish professor Dr. H told me the same thing. He said, “Never say you are wrong. Just say, you have a good point, but I disagree with you”. I said, “What if the guy is totally wrong?” The answer, “With due respect, I strongly disagree with you”, The Jewish way is the best way to negotiate. I followed this, and I benefited for 40 years.
Posted by Donald Hsu
Hi Dr Smith
First of all thanks for being so honest about your own feelings in this and I think you have generated some great insights from others in this post.
The question for me is why you have focussed on this comment and why it has caused you pain. In general painful experiences that we dwell on are telling us more about ourselves than others. So my advice would be to reflect on why this anonymous comment has resonated with you.
My view on the other person’s behaviour is that this person reacted as you would a person who has self sabotaging behaviours. My view is that they havent singled you out. This is how they operate.They will react defensively to any advice that they see as a threat.
In my view there is not much point engaging with them so I would take the advice from others above about how to handle it in the moment.
Once again thanks for being so open
Warm Regards
Mel Cowan
Posted by Mel Cowan
Here is my suggestion:
Firstly give acknowledgement to hubris’ historical achievement that is what the hubris pound of. Secondly show the rooms that hubris has to improve. The first step is to give the hubris a ground to stand and the second step is to modify the hubris into a humble person. Just like pointing the location of the hubris in a map.
This suggestion would work in the situation when there are too many low ability people surrounding the hubris that the hubris has an illusion of the best of all.
Posted by Sophia YEUNG
Ditto… Barbara
Posted by Frank Gustafson
J, I didn’t wish to offend you or compare disciplines. I’m sorry you found my comment polarizing, but I can’t find where I attacked the humanities and the arts. I still think it’s clear that they each have their place.
Your idea of shutting down BP would be a reckless emotional act, but would solve nothing It’s a poorly thought out idea and as such was easy fodder for humor.
I hold no emotion for BP and don’t see hubris or any other emotion in a corporation as these are traits of individuals.
I hate that the leak has happened. Perhaps we will learn that we need to drill on shore, and in shallow water where problems like this can be handled in hours instead of months, but it’s equally likely that emotion will prevail.
Again if I offended you I apologize. I never intended nor stated that one discipline was “greater” than another. However, it is obvious that engineering is greater than any other discipline when there is an engineering problem.
Posted by David Baggett
Dan, thank you!!! Your recommendation is very helpful and to the point!
Posted by J McCart, MFA/MA
To focus this “discussion” on Dr. Smith’s question: “What strategies have you found effective in dealing with them? What do you do when you encounter hubris?” I would suggest reading Jim Collins “How the Mighty Fall”. He makes some great points about hubris. Companies who are successful consider themselves lucky, and consequently double their efforts to ensure success. Companies that are full of themselves expect to be successful and sometimes set themselves up to fail. I would try to point out examples, such as Circuit City and a recommend “How the Might Fall and Why Some Companies Never Give In”.
Posted by Dan Samson
David — thanks for your comment. I understand your perspective; however, the comparison of one discipline over the other is neither the question nor the discussion introduced by Dr. Smith. Mr. Bryant made an unprofessional attack response aimed at not only my contribution to the discussion, but also at my profession. However, he later re-entered the discussion with an informed contribution within his profession as an engineer.
Your input added to the polarization of professional disciplines. Engineering was not attacked, so why the attack on the humanities and the arts? Is there sensitivity around BP’s debacle in the Gulf?
The humanities and the arts embrace the environment as an essential and sustaining breath within our shared anima mundi. Therefore, we perceive and understand at different depth perspectives than engineers, neither perception being greater than the other.
Do you think engineers should have the preventative plan their discipline purports to have, as well as provide solutions to remedy unforeseen accidents? Thus far in BP’s massacre of the Gulf, engineers failed in preventative measures, as well as solutional approaches. I surely acquiesce to the “greatness” of engineering if a solution were forthcoming, yet months have passed and no solution has emerged. Greatness cannot be awarded and hubris still surrounds BP.
Posted by J McCart, MFA/MA
Depends who they are:
If they are an investor, I would stay away from them……….Truly Great Leaders, don’t care to tell you about it no matter how much money they have.
If they are entrepreneurs, I would counsel them on how important it is to know the difference between arrogance and confidence
If they are a colleague, I would give them a short lesson in Servant Leadership
Posted by Robert Tompkins
Earl, I could not agree more with your statements. The problem is that investors in general know things about investing (at least they think so), but once they have taken an equity position in a company, they turn into subject matter experts and start making suggestions and force them upon the company. The less they actually understand of the business and the technology, and the greater the disconnect, the more forceful they are. It is only aggravated by an inverse proportion of their equity position. I have seen this many times over, and that fact is proven by the disproportionate number of companies that went belly-up that solicited or received this kind of treatment.
Posted by Axel Kloth
Regardless of the source/motivation of such behavior, the clear implication is a lack of self-awareness which makes any action of someone else’s irrelevant. With someone so lacking in introspection, external events will have little impact!
Posted by Robin Cook
Bring them right back to earth and kill them with humour. That way, you will be passing on the key message in a subtle way without being offensive so you both laugh it off but you’ve achieved your aim of passing on a message. My husband is great at using humour and I’ve learnt from his great sense of humour. For example as a joke, when someone says to him that this person has a PhD, he says you mean “Press here Dummy”.
Posted by Marian Nielsen
I usually assume that this kind of behavior stems from insecurity. So it may help to observe the prideful person to see what it is (s)he is most sensitive about that seems to trigger their insecurities and be particularly gentle with them when you have to engage on that issue.
Posted by Ann Dorough
I would think it obvious that engineering is greater than the humanities and the arts, when dealing with an engineering problem.
Posted by David Baggett
I can’t help but feel that the hubris displayed by leaders is often caused ultimately by the followers who convey such ‘status’ on them. George Bernard Shaw’s ‘Pygmalion’ comes to mind here as indeed one’s ‘place’ is conferred and confirmed by the perceptions of others. In today’s world where there is ever increasing clamour for celebrity status this is not likely to disappear. Indeed, people flock to bookshops ‘piled’ high with books written about/by renowned business leaders [e.g. Jack Welch] and political leaders [e.g Giuliani], and in major conferences, participants watch in awe and hang on to every word of such leaders. But, to be fair, I also believe that many of these leaders did not start believing themselves to be omnipotent, but over time, as many others laud their achievements, it takes a really principled and humble person not to begin to believe what others are ‘singing’ in their praise. I actually like the US Constitution’s restriction on the number of years a President can be in office, but sadly, such restriction does not apply to other poltical leaders. In the UK, there are restrictions on the tenure of Board Directors but none apply to CEOs/MDs.
Posted by Reyno Magat
I “hide” them on fb, nod and smile at them in person and they loose credibility with me so I do not seek them out or look for ways to include or collaborate with them. The questions is for me, how do you self promote with hubris? Tricky.
Posted by Sharon Weber
I, too, am of the “ignore it” camp. Subtle hints are never picked up and hitting the offending party in the head with a brick is frowned upon. Keeping conversations cordial, light and airy does no harm and keeps the door open for the possibility that this person may have something you need in the future. When passing this person in the hall, you need only ask, “How’s the weather?” not, “How’s about a beer after work?”
Posted by Robin McPeek
Ignore it whenever possible. Hubris usually solves itself through the person’s eventual failure.
What about hurbis from within as opposed to that of other people? Aren’t we all guilty of hubris at some point? Hubris is a transmittable disease. It’s imporant to be self-regulating and to have people around you to help keep you honest.
Posted by Brian Lindholm
“When it’s a peer or superior demonstrating hubris, I’ll simply find ways to accomplish my goals by incorporating them into the process somehow. The best method I’ve found is to show them how supporting my actions benefits themselves; alternatively, I’ll find a way for them to add their own “personal touch of genius” to a given project, thus providing a sense of ownership. Not great alternatives, but it’s a sticky problem, but unlike my subordinates (whom I should be developing), my peers and superiors are people I need to team up with, not improve.”
Posted by James Mercer
Ask them, “What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs at midday, and three legs in the evening?”
Posted by Rob Noyes
“When it’s a peer or superior demonstrating hubris, I’ll simply find ways to accomplish my goals by incorporating them into the process somehow. The best method I’ve found is to either show them how supporting my actions benefits themselves; alternatively, I’ll find a way for them to add their own “personal touch of genius” to a given project, thus providing a sense of ownership. Not great alternatives, but it’s a sticky problem, but unlike my subordinates (whom I should be developing), my peers and superiors are people I need to team up with, not improve.”
Posted by James Mercer
“Dealing with someone else’s hubris is very difficult. There’s a temptation to be constructive – to attempt to help them recognize the problem and overcome it. Unfortunately, such attempts are usually rejected, often with hostility. My first response deals with subordinates. When it’s a subordinate demonstrating hubris, I will generally cite teamwork issues, since most people demonstrating problematic levels of hubris don’t play well with others… I do this in the hope that the individual in question will revisit their overall behavior and adjust it.”
Posted by James Mercer
Let him be and just listen.Do not comment or advise. If you do have choices it is best to distance yourself and shied away. Encountering hubris will be a one way traffic so avoiding or distance yourself is one of the effective ways.
Posted by Ramli Mohamed
When I encounter hubris, I generally prick it. Hubris pricked explodes with unreasoned statements. I made no assumption. You brought up BP – which had an engineering and operations problem that led to the current disaster. If I had wanted to make a comparison, I would point to my expertise with the problem in general and in specific, but I did not. Have a fun day.
Posted by Larry Bryant
Smile and thank them silently for their precious gift to me. It’s my chance to love them, be less judgmental and be compassionate while recognizing they must truly be in needy ego pain. Move to a different space literally and mindfully.
What does there hubris have to do with me?
My spiritual teachers reminding me of how full of it I’ve been and to get conscious
!
Posted by Paul A Coulter