Dr. Earl R. Smith II

admin says:

73 Responses to “How do you deal with people who are asleep?”
1.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:22 pm e
Digna Mejia – Some people live their life with a “barely-get-by” or sleep. This limits them to live life to their full-potential. Whenever I encounter people who are asleep, I try to wake them up — even strangers. It is amazing to live life to full potential.
2.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:23 pm e
Sheilah Etheridge – I believe people who open their minds and look at all sides of an issue are awake. Those that go through life on autopilot orwith closed minds are asleep.
How do I deal with them? It depends on the situation. and the potential outcome if I wake them.
3.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:25 pm e
Eric Novikoff – This is a very very sophisticated and advanced spiritual/psychological question. There is no “perfect” answer to this one, in my experience. A few thoughts:
-Some people have said that there is no way to know if you’re awake or asleep. I only know one person who I would call awake in the sense this question brings up. She said that the experience of waking up was unmistakable, in which you lose the identification with the self, the I. This is similar to what Eckhart Tolle has said. I’ll have to take their word for it, as I haven’t had such an unmistakeable experience.
- However, what’s more difficult is to tell if someone *else* is awake. As someone said, there are many ego-based reasons for saying you are awake to others, or even fooling yourself into thinking you are. I have also met quite a few people who said they were awake, but I could see that they were manipulating others, something the awake person sees that there is no need for, because power itself is an illusion. My experience of being around the person who I call awake is that she is unlike anyone else I have ever met in her insight and ability to be present. So I use the word “awake” to describe her state, as she does. It’s my choice of words.
- Even if you decide someone is less awake than you are, how can you know that the truths you believe to be true are so absolute that you can judge them and their state at all? At best, you could ask them if they see things as you do, and let them decide which truth works for them. The need to be right is a sign of being asleep, as I see it, as there is no reason to be right other than to satisfy a transient or emotional need.
My personal self-inquiry practice has taken me to the point where I can see instances of where people are asleep in certain areas of their lives. All I can do in the highest truth with this information is to see that their asleep-ness is a mirror for my own asleep-ness. I ask myself, “how am I asleep like this person appears to be?” “How do I participate with them in the dramas they create in their state of asleep-ness?” If I’m participating in a drama with them, I must certainly be asleep as they are. When the truth about the mirror arrives, I fall into a state of understanding and compassion for myself and for them.
At that point, the words may come to coach or mentor them – after I have woken that corner of myself up. Until then, all I can experience is a shared dream with them.
The other choice about asleep people is to avoid them. I don’t go to the mall to socialize, for example. In fact, most socializing is just being asleep anyway – how meaningful can smalltalk really be?
I find that I’m most awake when I operate from my heart. Giving, caring, and choosing interaction of equality with others brings a level of truth and authenticity to my relationships that awakens me and often the other person as well. My personal mission is to bring the awake state – or at least the heart-centered state – into my business life, to infuse it with meaning.
4.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:26 pm e
Joe Frankie III – A thought provoking question and my response is based on how I “took” the question.
To me awake means the ability to hear…consider…or contemplate interaction. When I meet people who are not awake, I try to make my point in various ways that may help them understand what I am trying to communicate. I do my best to understand the way they perceive things from their perspective.
5.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:28 pm e
John Lane – I suspect Buddha might frown upon that question and turn it back toward the questioner. He might ask Who is it that should take it on themselves to presume the need to ‘deal with’ or judge others who may be asleep unless they themselves are awake, or in the case of Buddha, enlightened.
I think Buddha might ask “How do you deal with people who are awake?” in order to challenge our assumptions about whether we are in fact present. He would ask us if we were ready for the experience of meeting someone who was in fact awake to life.
I have encountered someone who is “awake” in the course of my meditation studies (as narrow as they have been) and it is an amazing thing to see and feel. In comparison, I can only say I was and still am asleep. But, perhaps recognizing that fact is one small step on my particular journey.
6.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:29 pm e
James Brewer – Consider Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. One cannot become actualized (which is the state you are indirectly asking about) until other subordinate needs are met. So, you are left with choices with regard to the missing needs: do you raise awareness, do you teach, do you satisfy – or do you ignore the situation? Really it depends upon you, and how you perceive your mission.
7.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:31 pm e
Nancy Delain – As I go through life, I become more “awake” because I become more “aware” of the world around me, and of the spiritual questions that haunt it. I wonder, is death the final awakening? Don’t anyone try that one out, please.
“Awakening” is nothing more than teaching. If the person asleep wishes to be taught in my special knowledge, I share; if they don’t, I don’t. I also learn from them, since they are “awake” in areas in which I am invariably “asleep.”
8.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:33 pm e
Bob Martin – If one hasn’t studied Buddhism the question may seem a bit bizarre. In one way or another most people are partially asleep. Some feel they are superior because they have *special* knowledge. In many cases this means they have read a few things about one or two -isms.
Buddhism is very interesting. It’s fun to contemplate questions that aren’t meant to be answered for reasons other than finding the answer that the questioner seems to seek.
Here’s the important things: what your intentions are, how you express your views, the ethics of your actions, the effect your work efforts have on others, the thoughts behind your actions, your self awareness, and your ability to focus on that which is most important.
Most important: There is no need to care what others feel about your actions/thoughts/etc if they are right.
9.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:34 pm e
Caryl Alfaro, PMP – Many people are content just getting by or giving their minimum to get a paycheck……are they asleep?
Some people are not fortunate enough to contemplate past basic survival and supplying their families needs…are they asleep?
People who want to think and are able….are we fully engaged in life? What is life’s purpose? Do we give of ourselves to make better families, communities, countries? Or, do we become disengaged—when we see no hope or maybe we become cynical that small changes will not make a difference. Do we become unaware on purpose because we do not want to face reality? Do we disconnect when it is too painful or too expensive emotionally, physically, or financially to reach out?
Many people have so many burdens to bear and no real support. When I encounter people like this, I try to be authentic and listen to their story. I will reach out…
10.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:36 pm e
Sastry Vadlamani – Ohh!!! Karen just took my answer away I was about to say the same thing. So many times it happens when I feel I am asleep or I have been asleep trying to ask myself why was I not awake? It is all so relative. So who decides who is awake and who is asleep. The bottomline is, if I am awake to my inner mind and soul I am happy. And at the end of the day all that matters is, Am I happy? And “I am happy” is something that only
“I” can sign off.
11.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:37 pm e
Phil Parkinson – Most people are asleep to some extent. Even some of us who are awake occassionally drfit back into being asleep due to the circumstances of life. I try to get people that are asleep to read “Way of The Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman” I had read this before the movie and al the mainstreamness came out in 2006.
You can try to make the asleep aware of the fact they are not awake but they have to want to do the work to truly become awake.
12.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:38 pm e
Seemant Kulleen – There’s a danger to this sort of thinking, in my opinion. You can not know if someone else is asleep. You can not know if you are asleep. You can only possibly know if you *were* asleep. the wakefulness that Siddhartha experienced was his own wakefulness relative to his own state of being, not relative to anyone else’s.
The danger I alluded to is that when you start to think in terms of “I am awake, but these others are asleep,” you may fall into a state of pride and avarice — and aren’t those states simply going back to sleep?
Food for thought..
13.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:40 pm e
Brad Morrison – It’s not my place to think I know awake from asleep. If I don’t resonate with whatever it is that makes them who they are (because they are metaphorically speaking “asleep” or at least drowsy) I just let them sleep.
14.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:43 pm e
Janet Schijns – The only well to tell if someone is “asleep” is through the quality of the questions they ask. Only a truly aware person can question things in a way that demonstrates awareness. So my advice is to listen more and talk less because ultimately anyone’s incessant talking will convince no one who is “asleep” to wake up – the only way to wake up is to question. That’s how you deal with those asleep folks get them asking questions.
15.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:47 pm e
G. Christian Conran – How does one know that they are not ‘asleep’ themselves? I suspect the majority of us are in that camp..
16.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:50 pm e
Kim Brame – I’m not sure Dr. Smith…because over the past few years I am certain that I have not really been awake…in fact after the last 18 months I am certain that I am just coming out of a long period that I was just on autopilot …maybe I should ask this of those that were around me.
17.
August 12th, 2007 at 10:52 pm e
Roger Sanford – “The best position in the temple is to be the dog.” the Dali Lama
“Let sleeping dogs lay.” My Grandfather
Our enlightenment is our way on our path. If others choose to sleep, it is not our responsibility to wake them. Life (lifetimes) pass in a blink. Our responsibility is to our own process.
18.
August 12th, 2007 at 11:51 pm e
Dale Furtwengler – What we feel is the desire to be of assistance, to enrich their lives through greater awareness. We desire to shine a light on the situation in a way that helps them see what their sleep has hidden from them. That’s all that we can do. If they choose not to see what the light makes evident, they are not ready for the message. Continue to question their thoughts, beliefs and offer alternative ways for them to see what has been hidden from them. If they are adamant in their belief that they’re right and don’t want to explore other avenues of thought, then encourage them to continue on their path until it no longer serves them. At that point, they’ll be open to alternative approaches to whatever situation they’re facing. Taking the pressure off often opens their minds.
Our natural tendency is to become frustrated over our inability to awaken them. The reality is that they will awaken only when their perspective no longer serves them. It’s not a reflection of our ability; it’s a function of their readiness. Do not judge them or yourself and you’ll be available when they’re ready.
19.
August 12th, 2007 at 11:52 pm e
Jeff Ellerbee – You tip-toe past them and let them be.
20.
August 12th, 2007 at 11:54 pm e
Manuel Mazzara – It looks like that the most asleep ones are the one with higher studies and better education covering the most powerful positions. It looks like the more you study in the conventional education systems the more you lose the important knowledge. Our educational system should be based on very different basis. Powerful people are asleep and if you are not it is very hard to get the power, since you are not really interested in the matter.
So the word is blind and such it will remain forever?
21.
August 12th, 2007 at 11:58 pm e
Nancy Danczak – it depends. how do they interact with you and your situation? you can’t control the behavior outside of the interactions with you personally. usually let them know that they have to be here in the moment with you and be conscious as to what’s going on here and now.
if they are employees, you can give gentle reminders that they are being paid to be here at work and you expect a level of performance and awareness from them. if those reminders don’t work, then put it in the performance evaluation, etc., to initiate change in the behavior.
in your personal life, you’ll deal with those type of people based on your relationship to them, like the boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/child that has his/her head buried in the newspaper while you speak.
sometimes it’s a matter of tuning something out rather than being asleep. i do that myself if i see that something is going down a road it shouldn’t with a conversation or innuendo, etc. i can tune it out. i can ignore it. i can address it by saying don’t go there. etc.
sometimes being “asleep” is a good thing. disassociating yourself from certain circumstances or goings on can be a good thing for your sanity.
i think people are generally awake when they want to be awake and to the person they want to be awake with. i hope that makes sense to you.
in general, we should always try to live each moment to the fullest, be aware of where we are, and feel blessed for each day we have on this earth. that’s not always realized as we all have burdens to bear (heavy or otherwise) and that may bring us down and cloud our appreciation for life.
22.
August 12th, 2007 at 11:59 pm e
Anupam “Pom” Malhotra – Your question brought to mind the movie “The Matrix” where as long as the people were “asleep” they went about their daily lives in what appeared to be a normal way, but as soon as Neo “awoke” from his forced slumber, he could no longer allow the reality that confronted him to continue and needed to force a change.
I think you deal with people who are “asleep” by helping them see the true reality around them. However, as in the movie, you have to build your case by gradually exposing them to experiences that don’t fit their existing mental model. In this way, you can slowly get them to question the status quo and search for a new model. This is when they are prepared to be jolted into the true reality that surrounds them.
By approaching the process gradually, you can assess a person’s ability to give up an existing frame of reference for another. I would think that in many cases, it is just not possible to waken the person and that you may have to just let them continue their slumber. This may not be all bad…it is probably a defense mechanism created by their minds to prevent the type of shock that would leave them “paralyzed” in a manner of speaking.
23.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:00 am e
Sherri Pittman Phillips – Assume nothing about anyone you encounter on your journey. What is perceived as their sleepiness may simply be an opportunity for me to examine some aspect of myself and re-evaluate my own perceived “awakenness”
24.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:01 am e
Joe McKesson – Sleep is the strongest control mechanism we have. We choose to be alseep. Knowing that means that we can choose to be awake. Some people choose health, others choose technology, finance, family. But no amount of sleep can prevent reality from coming to the fore. I like to present the ability of being “open to anything” to folks who are sleeping thru my shared existance with them. Hopefully we will at least share consciousness which is the only path to waking reality.
25.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:02 am e
Trisha Ford – Buddha found his enlightenment by looking within. When we look outward and perceive another as ‘asleep’, perhaps this is merely a reflection of part of our own self which we may need to focus on, instead… a reminder that Enlightenment is not an end but a road that we all continually journey upon.
26.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:50 am e
Jennifer McFarland – I’m going to go out on a limb in my response, but it will be an honest one. People go through cycles of waking/sleeping. There is no such thing as giving 100% all of the time, every time.
If we are referring to creativity, love, productivity, and other excellent measures of peak performance, not days are peak days. I think of an athlete training and then sprinting toward a finish line. The athlete will eventually need a profound break to gather thoughts, refocus, and retune.
Just as the teacher appears when the student is ready, the sleeping beauty rises after she is well rested and the sun rises again.
27.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:51 am e
Madhu Sameer – I believe you are talking about the kind of illness Christopher Bollas, in his book “Shadow of the Object, Psychoanalysis of the Unthought Known” calls a “Normotic Illness.” He writes:
There is a certain kind of person who has been sucessful in neutralizing the subjective lement of his personality….some people have annhilated the creative element by developing an alternative mentality, one that aims to be objective, a mind that is caracterized less by the psychic representational sybmols of feelings……
28.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:52 am e
Bhupal De – Maybe they are asleep by choice and not by accident. Being asleep is also a way of life. The more awake you are , the more you know and the better you perceive your surrounding, the more stressful it gets.
29.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:54 am e
Robin Brandt – When encountering those who are asleep, in a spiritual or connectedness sense, for me, it’s all about how much time I am willing to invest in the relationship. I would like to think that I notice those in need, demonstrated by asleep behavior, and can make the time to invest in the relationship without pushing my own views about what should. What assumptions do I bring to the discussion?
The most fulfilling role I hope to play is to listen through their prism of reality and serve as some symbol of security through empathic interactions. While at work, there are all different reasons for sleepers to be there or not be there, none of which I presuppose to change.
Put differently, if I believe there is a kernal of motivation, then the timing is right to connect. I believe I am most awake when I am able to connect with someone who hasn’t been awake for some time by understanding more about the subconcious impact on their awake state, which is often concerning an unresolved issue. But I also keep in check my motivation for impact on them by asking myself is it about them or is it about me?
Interestlingly enough, when trust has been established, I find an effective strategy to talk about and ask about dreams. This question pulls my sleeper into a space that doesn’t need the anchor of reality to explore in the moment meaning and because dreams are symbolic, one’s descriptions about them can facilitate self-awareness based on the sleeper’s interpretation of meaning.
Head on confrontation about engagedness has not been as fruitful an approach for me, unless sleeping behavior is so destructive to me or to others that I dont have a choice. In that case, I make the discussion completely about the sleeper’s needs first, and let some time pass to allow the sleeper time to introspect. In today’s world, we are so eager to “fix the problem” that we can push through the transition process on our own clock instead of recognizing the process needed by the sleeper to process and become accountable.
Is your goal to awaken the sleeper by your definition or contrast how awake you are in their context?
Great question, I am eager to hear others’ interpretations and how they engage with this mutil faceted construct.
30.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:57 am e
Haim Toeg – There is an un-Budhist saying – “you can bring a horse to the water but you can’t make it drink”, and my perspective is that if they won’t drink, then why bother?
31.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:58 am e
Karl Garrison – Well, two comments.
First, I never thought I’d ever recommend an Adam Sandler movie to this group (or anyone for that matter), but his movie “Click” seems to address this fairly directly where he lives much of his life on auto-pilot. (It’s actually pretty decent).
Second, I agree with the camp that debates who is to say who is awake. I remember a talk I saw many years ago about living up to your potential and how few people really do. At the end of the talk, I asked if I am a good father and chose to raise my kids and enjoy my life with them who are you to say I have been less successful than one how sacrificed his family for his business? The same questions could be asked about being awake – some would see being awake as being aware of the rest of the world and embracing the constant change others might see being awake as simply enjoying and appreciating what you have. Who do you think is happier? Who do you think is more successful?
32.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:59 am e
Madhu Sameer – And oh, as to how you deal with them on an interpersonal level….I woudl think you can only deal them by coming ‘down’ to their levels….as propoer communication is possible only when the protocols are mutually understood…and a common language is forged…
33.
August 13th, 2007 at 1:00 am e
Jonathan Lambert – You cannot answer this question honestly. Who is asleep? If you are not asleep, then where is your humility and tenderness for your fellow creature? If you view others as asleep, who is to say that something in you is not merely being reflected? Remember, all you can consider “knowledge” in this instance is to place judgment on someone who temporarily have more than those who temporarily have less.
34.
August 13th, 2007 at 1:17 am e
Ginny Risk – What do you mean by “deal with” and why do you feel the need to deal with anyone?
While your metaphor is classic, most people today do not treat each encounter with each other person they see as such a problem.
Are you trying to “help” everyone you see? Is it your responsiblity to assess everyone you see? What does it mean to you or for you that some people you encounter seem this way?
Not clear to me where the question is coming from or going.
Personally, I like getting to know people. I remind myself frequently that people are the way that they are for a reason, whether or not the reason is clear to me. Also, that we each have our own road to travel (so to speak) and my challenges and your challenges are not the same. This helps me deal with myself when I encounter people that seem to be different from how I would like them to be. Here my assumption is that my main challenge is to deal with myself, mostly. Then if I am doing that to the best of my ability, other people don’t seem like such a problem to me.
Now, since you have categorized this under mentoring, you may be talking about situations where the others have asked for your advice. Is that true? If so, perhaps it would help to question them about their experiences. I’m sure on one level all unplugged-ness can be characterized together, but on a practical level, I would think you’d need to know the specific ways in which a person is blocked in order to help.
35.
August 13th, 2007 at 1:23 am e
Raj Padmanabhan – “when I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse. out of the corner of my eye I turned to look but it was gone. i cannot put my finger on it now. the child is grown, the dream is gone” …. comfortably numb, pink floyd
36.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:08 am e
David D. “Griff” Griffith – A rigorous brain shake called cognitive interuption. Stir up things a bit to see what resistence appears. In the resistence is where the current reality resides. An awake person is aware of their reality and therefore their destiny.
Otherwise we might all cozily coast along not changing, thinking that things have their own streamlike momentum. They do not. When we’re not swimming, we’re actually already drowning.
37.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:10 am e
Eric Mortensen – People can be asleep for various reasons. In my opinion most of these reasons are environmental. They could be asleep because there current boss does not recognize the work that they do, downplays their ideas over his own, or a vast array of other factors. The end results is that the person does not perform to the fullest of their ability because they are afraid to truly stand out in the environment they are in. It is only in those environments where a person feels respected, and that they are well valued that they can truly live up to their potential. Without this, they can never become fully awake.
38.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:12 am e
Aaron Clutter – In many cases, my first instinct is to “shake them”, whether this means to confront their understanding and belief or to present them with facts that they have to accept. Sometimes this is too much, like taking the “red pill” and not surviving the trip down the rabbit hole. In those cases the individual tends to reject anything you say and becomes even more entrenched in the world of thier own making.
In the situation where you can awaken the sleeper, I have seen a hunger for knowledge and further understanding. These special few are able to see what they have missed before and try to make up for time “well slept”.
We who are awake must question everything, from religion to science to business and philosophy. Is there a truth beyond us? Are we all just a great cosmic accident? Why would we be motivated towards greatness or to be something beyond what we are if there was nothing beyond what we are?
If I had a billboard for everyone to see it would say, in letters 100 feet high, “QUESTION EVERYTHING!!!”
39.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:17 am e
Shalom Craimer – Classifying someone as being either “awake” or “asleep” seems far too pat for me. Personally, I’ve found that most people devote most of their energies into a very small wedge of their life, either out of habit, or out of some belief that they are conserving their energies.
Which is wonderful! Instead of having to cast a very wide net, to try and “wake” an individual, you can allow his own self-expression fuel his “wakefulness” – as long as you confine it to his self-imposed boundaries (the “wedge”) or channel those same energies to a new, but related, subject.
And since in a business world, we rarely actually need our colleagues and employees to be fully “aware”, this gives us a tool to motivate the people around us in the way that is most natural to them!
40.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:19 am e
Mykel de Willigen – With creation we were endowed the greatest gift of all, free will.
Who am I to judge choices? Is it me who is awake? Or am I the one sleaping having the most wonderful dreams?
For if you’re truly awake, you’ll realize it’s not because you’ve followed other’s paths for you. No, You have followed the path which was within you at the pace you’ve chosen.
Being awake is not the goal, awakening is the path, those who seem to be sleeping may have choosen a different path, perhaps an harder and longer path. Perhaps one path which is so much more beautifull, who’s to say?
Just rejoice at the wonderful sight of freedom of will, it’s our most devine gift.
41.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:20 am e
Marc Smith – Despite all of the answers I’ve read, few address your final question – “How do you deal with people who are asleep ?”
My answer is simple…… You don’t !
If someone chooses to sleep, surely that is their prerogative, and by my conscious action to intervene, I have overstepped the boundaries of consideration – WHEN they wake, and IF they approach me, then I may choose to ‘deal’ with them at that point, but never before.
Have you ever been ‘woken up’ and felt really disgruntled ?
I am willing to bet that if you were ‘woken’ to check if you were really asleep, you’d be pretty upset !
So…. my answer ?
Let them be, those sleeping persons will wake when they’re ready.
NB: I sleep-in regularly …… !
42.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:21 am e
Yoel Hecht – Wake them up and then deal with them.
For “them” it should be so good to wake up that if someone else will wake them up they still whisper your name and they keep the wish of making a deal with you again. Only with you.
43.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:24 am e
Megha Beri – Your question is “how do you deal with people who are asleep? ‘ I feel throwing these questions at them makes them realise that something lies more to them than just what they are doing. We need to make them realize that there is more outside & help them reach there.
44.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:25 am e
Andrew Meyer – How do you deal with people who are asleep? You try to show compassion. These are people who are expending every bit of energy they have just to get by. Kids, spouses, commutes, work, worry, bills, the sub-prime mortgage debacle… it takes everything many people have to offer. But those are the people who get up everyday, go to work and move the world forward. They’re not trying to change the world, they’re not invading other countries and they are not committing any terrible crimes. They are the people who make things operate. They work hard, they put in effort and they care about what they can care about. They deserve respect and compassion.
Its the ones who are “awake”, who think they see more, know more, understand more, are smarter, better looking etc. that one has to be weary of. Those people, you have no idea what they are going to do. Probably ask difficult questions…
45.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:34 pm e
Sam Lund – Ask them questions and make them think hard.
Ask questions which lead them to think out-of their ordinary path of reasoning. And, thus, experience self-discovery.
46.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:35 pm e
Misty Ewegen Esq.- I do not personally believe it is possible for a person to ever completely be awake. Therefore, I consider it impossible for anyone to ever be completely asleep. There are merely different stages of growth, different stages of awareness. I do not consider myself to be more awake than anyone else, simply focused on different things.
47.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:36 pm e
Mark Podulka – I attempt to engage them by asking probing questions. I attempt to get people to explore thoughts or ideas or situations outside of their comfort zone in order to help them make decisions regarding their everyday life. By this, I hope to expand their decision making process to include the effect of these people on the world and the effect of the world on them and help them determine what is truly important and what is just gook that is jamming the system.
48.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:37 pm e
Dale Hensel – I always ask a simlple question.
does this still work for you?
and I have been surprised by the answers. sometimes people are happiest being alseep. and so i let a sleeping dog lie.
on the occasion that someone responds with no, I ask another simple question.
would you like some help with that?
thats when I endevor to follow thier lead and assist as little or as much as one would like.
49.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:38 pm e
Dirk DeCanck – I believe Ramani Maharshi might have answered as such: “Who is it that asks this question? Find out who asks and you will know”.
The point is that your own enlightenment will attract and enlighten others. If your goal is to awaken people, first make your own light as bright as you can.
50.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:40 pm e
Sujatha Das – I think another way of referring to these personalities are perhaps “close-minded” people. It is a fact that we may tend to become resistant or frustrated to such people. But probably one way is to learn unconditional acceptance, which makes us ask questions such as Why do I feel resistence or why do we need to get convinced? Probably the real source of frustration is our own resistence in trying to convince them.
Letting go of this resistence of what the other person represents to us, may be one way to look at this situation. The disinterest, disconnect or unawareness all happens because we are not able to connect properly to them. This connection may come probably from understanding their perception. Resistence may also come from our ego’s, which tales ownership of our ideas treats challenges to our own ideas as a personal challenge. Then we end up defending ourselves.
So as some of the responders said, Communication is a key factor, wherein we are more receptive to new ideas and willing to consider their perspettive to see whether it holds value. We could end up shredding those ideas if we find no value at all, but if these people strike a cord with us, there is a chance to explore more further.
After all, we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves!
51.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:41 pm e
Sherri Dohemann – It seems to me one has to work around people who are “asleep”. If people are in positions of responsibility in leadership, then they’ve got to use all the resources available to them to “wake them up” and get the message across i.e. mentors, the media, etc. I also think it’s okay to suggest alternate professions for people who are “asleep”, such as rote “check the box” tasks that have one busy season a year maybe… There was a great article this past week in the Economist about how Proctor and Gamble will be “reprogramming the proctoids”. I understand from an operations/finance/distribution/supply chain perspective that the “box-checking” process management “six sigma” promise does produce cost savings, however that promise will eventually reach its limit….there is a natural tension between driving processes for the sake of that and striving to know customers, keep them happy, and to know what they want. The article related to entering emerging markets where there isn’t the advantage of scaling to infrastructure and you’ve got new customers, and new buying behavior people have to “wake-up!!”.-that’s a macro view. I can relate to this as a people-centric sales person, California, Silicon Valley in particular parts can be described as a microcosm of an emerging economy due to demographics that are unlike anywhere else. You have a very sophisticated physician leader customer treating and attending to a very broad swath of very wealthy constituent, only a very small sliver of (middle mass market/scaled to six sigma America-P&G’s customer), and an emerging population, very dynamic-needless to say companies operating in healthcare here have needed to wake up or will need to…….Luis Fraga did a lot of work when he was at Stanford about the economics of demographics; One can easily take the next logical business step in that. Take that to a global view and companies are looking to grow in emerging markets, where their people need to be in learning, not sleeping mode.
52.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:42 pm e
Lubna Kably – Your question reminds me of the motto of The Institute of Chartered Accounants of India, which governs all chartered accountants in India. It is: The person who is awake among those who sleep. It is derived from an ancient Sanskrit text and describes or is meant to describe the role of a chartered accountant as a watchdog or sentinel.
In today’s world, it is possible for one to lose their creative spark at the work place. It could be because of several reasons – burnt out, mental and physical fatigure, lack of stimulation -mundane tasks, mismatch with skills and job profile etc.
It is really not possible to ascertain whether the other person is asleep. It is up to each of us to examine ourself daily and find avenues so that we do not sleep.
53.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:43 pm e
Susan Otterson – Some jobs can be done while “asleep”. Assign this person that type of task until they awake. Then find them a mentor to assist them and help them to awaken.
Perhaps they are bored or burned out with their work. In that case, help them find something they can do that keeps them awake. Encourage them to develp a special project that stimulates their creativity.
Nobody is awake 24/7. Acknowledge that and give people some slack.
54.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:44 pm e
Ray Miller – The best way, in my experience to wake people up and keep them awake is distinguish the costs of being asleep.
Some would say they have to WANT to be awakened first, but until they have experienced being awake, or I prefer describing it as being present or in the moment, the don’t know what they’re missing.
Engage them in an inquiry about what’s important to them. What turns them on. What did they want to become, do, or see before they became resigned and went to sleep?
Then create with them actual visual displays to keep around them in their offices, cars, homes, things that remind them, “Oh yea, that’s what I want!”
55.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:45 pm e
P Jay Massey – One of my favorite life quotes comes from the 1990 movie “Joe Versus the Volcano” when Patricia says to Joe: “My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement.”
56.
August 13th, 2007 at 12:45 pm e
Eric Mortensen – In my experience, everyone is responsible for how awake they are. People choose to be asleep because they either don’t want to deal with the real world, or they are to afraid (one could say timid as well) to deal with their environment. Thus, they just do what they know but never can excel, thus not being fully awake. But, in my opinion, that is still their choice. The environment they live in may affect their choice, but it is still their choice.
As you can see, I tend to be one who sides more on the free will side of the philosophical argument.
57.
August 13th, 2007 at 3:35 pm e
Cary Bakker – Who says you should “deal” with people who are asleep? Share your viewpoints if helpful and the opportunity presents itself, but anything more is quite judgemental and presumptuous. IMO, most people need to focus more on improving their own thoughts and actions as opposed to focusing on the thoughts and actions of others. Perhaps simply leading by example is the simplest and best way of “dealing”…
58.
August 13th, 2007 at 3:36 pm e
Ghada Richani – The mentor in me would wake up and help the “asleep” person to wake up and see the opportunities of making everyday at work enjoyable.
59.
August 13th, 2007 at 3:38 pm e
Jeremiah A. B. Locanas – I am enjoying reading the posts – they all sound like people I know That said, I think people who think they know what’s best or right for someone else on a personal level could be considered arrogant or controlling or unethical. Who do people think they are to impose their own beliefs onto another person whether it be through hypnosis/lucid-dreaming/etc. Tricking someone into running around town and labelling them to try and show them the error of their ways reeks of a god-complex imho. Yes, it maybe because you think you know what’s best for them but that’s not always the case. No is no – and people applying their own thoughts to try and steer someone into seeing the light by doing something they would not have done otherwise is not only dangerous, but unethical. That said, guess everyone will find out the truth in 2 more weeks!
The call this morning was a really nice touch btw – it’s amazing what a hacked computer can be programmed to do from showing random messages to displaying false phone #’s and more…
I guess the other thing about this entire process that makes it self defeating is that if someone knows people are spending this much love/time/effort to help, well then, to a certain extent the recipient of that gift knows there is something already at the end of the tunnel. They just need to prove it through their actions/jumping through hoops/stepping up or whatever I made a list of all the people appearing to be involved — it really is quite impressive and I am grateful for that, so please don’t assume otherwise. I just think the delivery could have been better. Like all things, there is always room for improvement
Oh yeah, the radio show w/ the coach this morning was the best one yet – probably right after the the recent articles about politicians, comedians and top 10 lists in Time and Esquire
60.
August 13th, 2007 at 3:40 pm e
Kristian Jaeger – I am not a Buddhist but I believe it depends upon whether or not the individual is willing to be “awakened” or have their perspectives changed.
61.
August 13th, 2007 at 5:45 pm e
Ron Hurst – Earl it seems you have hit upon a nerve of sorts. Great response so far!
The question of self awareness as I see it is a fundamental one. I do believe an individual who is mostly or completely awake can answer. Those of us who spend less time in an aware state will have some difficulty with this question as they may as yet be unaware of the difference between awake and asleep from an awareness point of view.
In my career I have encountered many individuals whose level of self awareness seemed to me to be low. When interacting with someone like this I have found it relatively straight forward to identify the signs of a person asleep. When asked a question with deeper meaning or requiring self reflection, most will give a superficial answer or their eyes will glaze over and they will not know what to say. I realize this is a generalization but I have seen the signs often enough to recognize the difference.
To be able to consider deeply whether one is asleep or awake with as much objectivity as possible is a sign of awareness. A quick denial is a sign that perhaps a person is not as awake as they think.
There are moments in time when each of us (although the moments may be unique) are more receptive to being woken up. Tragedy, shocking events, strong emotions, loss all open a person up to higher levels of awareness.
There is an excellent book on this subject aptly named The Art of Waking People Up: Cultivating Awareness and Authenticity at Work. I have included the amazon link below. I read it 2 years ago when this subject became an interest of mine. I highly recommend it. While it has relatively few quantitative compnents and is light on references, I found the content compelling and on point it was very persuasive and practical.
62.
August 13th, 2007 at 5:49 pm e
Dr. Shaun Jamison – How do you know if your a man dreaming he was a butterfly or a butterfly dreaming he was a man?
That aside, I do believe that we can help shed waking light for those ready to receive. There are many catalysts for change. The best way to wake up other people is to first and foremost stay awake ourselves. We can lead and be positive. We can make good, well reasoned decisions. We can be kind and loving. We can ask questions. We can tell and live our truth. We can refuse to accept manipulation and shallow explanations for important decisions. We can be open to feedback and opposing views. We can be good people.
63.
August 14th, 2007 at 1:26 pm e
Meryl D. Joseph – We cannot change the world around us. We can change ourselves first and then circumstances will fall into place. If someone doesn’t get the point reiterate and rephrase – give them a chance -do not dismiss them. For when they realize something they may offer you a perspective that enlightens you as well. It’s very important to keep an open mind. Sleepers, creepers – I think not. I am biased because I am asleep half the time.
64.
August 14th, 2007 at 1:27 pm e
Bill Moore – smack then upside the head and remind them that every minute that passes is a minute they didn’t take advantage of being alive!!
65.
August 14th, 2007 at 1:29 pm e
Kamal Tahir – Isn’t it all relative, all of us are asleep and awake at varying levels in different aspects of our own lives, of our communities, companies, countries and the human race. The world would be a different place if that was not the case.
I see the challenge as twofold, helping others awaken, as one becomes awake, and prevent oneself and those around one from falling asleep again (i.e. becoming numb, disinterested or disconnected)
Now for your question, how do I deal with people around me who are asleep. Answer- by offering coffee every chance I get..metaphorically speaking ofcourse. You have to be careful how you deal with the asleep people, they may have been asleep forever, or they may be those who woke up, and then disturbed by what they saw, slept again.
66.
August 14th, 2007 at 1:31 pm e
Victoria – So few responded to my half empty/full question … the silent majority must think that there’s too much controversy, risk, or boredom associated with the question.
The answer, the only real answer for me, is: there is no glass.
I think that the universe has only adundance without boundaries or limitations — unless we manifest them in our minds.
So, why would we manifest limitations … fear of the unknown, in my view. If there is too much to know, learn, understand, perhaps be responsible for in our lives, well you see the problem.
So, I hear, “I don’t know …” as “I don’t WANT to know …”
and I think that, “I don’t care.” is the same as “I am afraid to care.”
Maybe “:being” itself or being “aware” is too much for some people.
I have a friend who says that when she first heard people talk about “thinking outside the box” she said, “What box?”
My thought that I shared with her was, “Is it a box; or a coffin?”
– Victoria
P.S. I have studied Tao and Kabbalah for about 15 years. Zen Buddhism is very much the same … I have found references to Yin/Yang and Jihad in the Kabbalah texts …
67.
August 14th, 2007 at 3:03 pm e
Kevin Jackson – According to legend, when Buddha was growing old he convened his disciples for an important discourse. And when they gathered and sat down silently, reverently waiting to hear their aging Master speak, the Buddha arose, came forward on the flower-decked platform, looked over his audience of disciples and monks, then bent down and picked up a flower which he raised to the level of his eyes. Without uttering a word, he returned to his seat. His followers looked at each other in bewilderment, not understanding the meaning of his silence. Only the venerable Mahakasyapa serenely smiled at the Master. And the Master smiled back at him and wordlessly bequeathed to him the spiritual meaning of his wordless sermon. And that, according to legend, was the moment Zen was born.
So how do you deal with people who are asleep? You let them “sleep”. It is not our place to determine one’s state of being. Some janitors really only want to be janitors. We are ALL disconnected in something. If you ask me to get into crochet, for example, then I likely would be considered “asleep”, perhaps not even metaphorically!
Zen means waking up to the present moment. That is, perceiving this moment exactly as it is, rather than through the filter of our ideas, opinions, etc. One way to practice this is to ask yourself a Big Question, such as “What am I?” If you ask such a question strongly and sincerely, what appears is “I don’t know.” This “don’t-know” is before thinking. If you keep it moment to moment, then everything is clear. Then, each moment, whatever you’re doing, just do it. When you’re sitting, just sit; when you’re eating, just eat; and so on. According to Zen, existence is found in the silence of the mind (no-mind), beyond the chatter of our internal dialog. Existence, from the Zen perspective is something that is only happening spontaneously, and it is not just our thoughts. All of life that we perceive is constantly in a state of change, every atom in the universe is somewhere different every millionth of a second.
We are into, whatever WE are into. Things continue to happen all around us, but we are in our own zone. Who are we to pick the “zone” for others?
68.
August 15th, 2007 at 3:14 pm e
Ken Schneider – Ignorance is bliss and there are far to many people blissfully skating through life. I think when you encounter those that are asleep, blissful, or otherwise comatose to their surroundings; it is incumbent upon those that are aware to try and make them aware.
By that I mean, we try to give them a nudge toward awakening and help them to become aware. Otherwise we are not truly awake ourselves.
69.
August 15th, 2007 at 3:15 pm e
David Marcotte – “Slan” A.E. Van Vogt, which involves a biologocal reason for our being asleep as does “Childhood” Clarke… we have still not evolved enough, but the memory of that next transformation causes us to remember a different future.
Business – The vast of majority are more productive when they are asleep. But there are those you would need more, so you nudge, you drop quotes, you make outlandish statements, you provide the zen slap upside the head … until they have that moment of “Ah-Hah!”
70.
August 15th, 2007 at 3:20 pm e
Carl Oberg – Why do you deal with them at all?
71.
August 15th, 2007 at 3:22 pm e
Paolo Mancini – Interesting question… I would answer it with two (2) truths I believe in — 1) one is only able to determine their own state of being awake or asleep and not of others (Law of Allowing) and 2) if you have to “think” about whether you are awake or not, most likely you may not be. “Awake” is not a destination you reach, it is an epiphany that manifests itself into a “state of being” (to some, it is known as being connected to “Source”). To say you are partially awake is like saying, “oh, I am not a bigot; I love everyone, well, except group xyz.” To me, it’s either all or nothing. Two other truths I believe in are: 1) there is one Source of Energy from which all living things come from and 2) we are all – to some extent – extensions of that Source. Once you realize that, you realize we are all the exact same inside – no better, no worse, no richer, no poorer – just energy, doing the best we can. Realizing this, and the fact that we are all beatiful, in my belief, is the belieft necessay to be AWAKE.
72.
August 29th, 2007 at 10:30 am e
Tim Dodd – From a Buddhist perspective, it remains not the question. Enlightenment is a personal goal.
If you wish to flog some service please try to be less oblique. If you wish to have a semantic conversation please continue. If you wish to continue on your own path then consider the vinegar tasters. Isn’t life hilarious.