Dr. Earl R. Smith II

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67 Responses to “How do you deal with predatory people?”
1.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:31 pm e
Tim Hoag – I usually chalk it up to Narcissism or Obsessive Compulsive Personality (or both), and try to avoid them. The fact that they are so self-absorbed seems to blind them to the notion that there is any other perspective, or anyone else to consider.
2.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:32 pm e
Aaron King – Prayer. Setting a good example. I know that sounds trite but it works for me. I’m 25 so I have far less experience but I don’t think you can go wrong with prayer.
3.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:34 pm e
Marty Chobot – Caveat, this comes from a pretty direct guy so probably not a good strategy for all people or situations.
My approach: Out them. When you see them manipulating a situation, call them on it in a public way. Doesn’t necessarily have to be mean or agressive but ask them to explain their intentions.
Example: you have a person with a hidden agenda in a meeting where you’re presenting. Maybe they make a comment or smile at something you say. Call them out – ask them to share with the group.
I highly recommend a book called Verbal Judo – basis for my approach…
After reading some of the responses – I feel like my response came off a little harsher than I intended so to clarify…
IF your sure someone is being predatory, I believe the best approach is to bring the issue out in the open. Again, this doesn’t mean that you have to do it in a mean or agressive manner – but ask them to clarify what they mean. They have pushed and you are pulling. Maybe you’re wrong – maybe they’re not being predatory. Maybe you’re right. Either way you need to know and better understand their point of view (empathy) before you can act appropriately. Don’t accuse – ask.
Also, I come from a background of working in very small companies. Small companies just can’t afford to have predators. (Pretty easy math – one bad apple in a company of five is 20% of your staff!!) The cost to productivity, morale, and profitability is just too high.
I try treat all people with honor and respect, even when given reason not to. But at the same time, my father told me, “Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.” If there is the scent of a predator – don’t avoid or ignore – clear the air directly and then act appropriately. Also, it’s important to let them know why you responded the way you did so that they have an opportunity to learn and grow.
4.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:35 pm e
Karl Garrison – You could also read the book:
“Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry”
Vampires are very charming and you often don’t see the fangs until it’s too late.
Agree with most of the other comments here – recognize the problem and either deal with it directly or get away.
5.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:39 pm e
Deepthi Nandan – Form a group in your organization where you can discuss such issues in closed groups and brainstorm to find solutions to handle tricky people and situations (experience sharing may help). Then you have some support to act upon such people as they can be very tricky to handle alone otherwise.
6.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:41 pm e
Gerald Lo – I can’t claim to know peoples’ characters or true intentions based on their behaviors.
I try to deal with predatory behaviors as they occur, attempting to avoid reading malicious or opportunistic intent into postures, tones or words.
Sometimes I’ve found constructing an observed pattern of behavior and attributing malicious intent to individuals has been illusory.
Frequently, I’ve found if I excise sanctimonious behavior on my own part, I’ve gotten better results from others.
It takes more effort on my part to try to put previous behaviors behind us, but it seems to effectively work for me more than half the time to take each new interaction as a fresh start.
I guess I don’t object to being labelled myself, but can understand how some people might not find being labelled objectionably presumptuous.
My view is that the other party has every right to assume that I might be a latent or active bonehead until I can earn respect.
I offer mine without expectation of reciprocity, not because I think I deserve it in return but because it seems to speed things along a lot.
I can’t claim to know peoples’ characters or true intentions based on their behaviors.
I try to deal with predatory behaviors as they occur, attempting to avoid reading malicious or opportunistic intent into postures, tones or words.
Sometimes I’ve found constructing an observed pattern of behavior and attributing malicious intent to individuals has been illusory.
Frequently, I’ve found if I excise sanctimonious behavior on my own part, I’ve gotten better results from others.
It takes more effort on my part to try to put previous behaviors behind us, but it seems to effectively work for me more than half the time to take each new interaction as a fresh start.
I guess I don’t object to being labelled myself, but can understand how some people might not find being labelled objectionably presumptuous.
My view is that the other party has every right to assume that I might be a latent or active bonehead until I can earn respect.
I offer mine without expectation of reciprocity, not because I think I deserve it in return but because it seems to speed things along a lot.
7.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:41 pm e
Fredric Joss Shelley – I think it really depends on the situation. I think a lot of times in business (and personal) situations, you will run into types who will utilize a situation for their own benefit. We hold a number of strategy sessions where people can discuss their ideas. Some of their motives can be transparent in meetings like these – you can validate their opinion while thanking them for sharing and then ask the rest whether or not they agree, and why or why not. Sometimes this will expose ulterior motives in a way that benefits the entire team, just maybe not to that person’s liking. However, having constant communication with an entire team shows a team-centric approach, which often leaves little room for such underhanded means of trying to put one’s self before the team as a whole.
My role has always been to listen to others before making a final decision. It’s important in this role to validate what anyone brings to the table, whether or not you agree, disagree, or see any ulterior motives. Then, coming from a strictly professional method (taking out anything emotional), you’re able to assess a situation and come from a point of view that may get them to understand how challenging they might be and how they may better further their own case by becoming MORE of a team player.
If the trend in your company is to reward this kind of manipulative behavior, then you have to find ways of turning that around, which is very difficult because it’s a dysfunctional pattern. So, I realize it may be tricky to implement. I do wish you the best of luck with handling this situation!
8.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:42 pm e
Marcio Salmeirao – Only listen to him, and don’t speak with him. Predatory people needs of a discussion, then you don’t need to give food to him.
9.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:44 pm e
Timothy Fearnside – From an organizational perspective:
1. Confront the problem early.
2. Document all efforts to correct the behavior.
3. Employ progressive discipline.
4. Terminate them if they don’t get the message.
Typically, I am not this black-and-white when it comes to employee issues, but I find these types to be particularly dangerous. If not confronted directly, their behavior will only get worse, and they will almost surely, eventually, do serious damage to the organization.
Unfortunately, from my experience, organizations have a tendency to allow this type of behavior to go on. Most often, this is because it is simply easier to ignore the problem than to deal with it. Not only is this a poor approach, conceptually, but it also sets the organization up for a lawsuit when the rubber eventually meets the road.
Note, these types are generally litigious, and will sue often when terminated. When that happens, what you want as an organization is a clearly documented history of problems, efforts to resolve the problems, documented actions, etc. What you don’t want is 10 years of employee evaluations stating “meets” or “exceeds expectations”–with nary a hint of any sort of problem– combined with routine pay raises, promotions, etc. While this may seem obvious, you would be amazed at how often this is this case.
The bottom line is, you want these people out of your organization. Just be careful to do it right.
10.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:44 pm e
Nathaniel “Ned” Downes – Assuming that we’ve ruled out running ‘em down in an SUV, I just avoid them: my friends can depend on my loyalty, and I expect the same from them — the type of person you describe is not one I can trust, so I have little use or tolerance for them. I don’t believe the road to success requires such behavior.
11.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:45 pm e
Mykel de Willigen – I believe you’d have to distinguish between “leaches” and “predators”.
Leaches can be a nuisance, sometimes slowing you somewhat or draining your energy. Their harmfullness in general will be low, it might even be fun to play around a bit. Since they’re not actively out to destroy or harm you, it doesn’t necessarely lead to confrontation.
Predators on the other hand, are out to “eat you a life”, whenever they see advantage for themselves. You’ll have to confront them in some way, standing your grond, this way they’ll know you’re not an easy target. Most likely they’ll choose somebody else to victimize. However, if you “pre-confront” them actual conflict could be a consequence, you should be prepared to go all the way if necessary, which won’t be the case most of the times.
Then there’s a specific tactic I’d like to point out. I’ve used it a couple of times and it has been effective. I would call it “baiting”
If you know someone is a predator, who’s stealthyness is likely to be its greatest power, then your most effective weapon is to “de-stealth” them.
Create a situation in which there’s ample opportuntiy for the predatory behaviour to be triggerd, preferably a public situation. Give them some form of bait which they’ll act upon, while the public is informed (or will be)
Once the predator bites, you can effectively show their nature wiothout the necessity (but with the option) to unmask the predatory behaviour to your public.
12.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:47 pm e
Zen Benefiel – Sometimes you just have to raise the awareness of the situation. It is most challenging and difficult, but once the subject is broached it gives an opportunity for coaching, if the rapport in relationship is established. People generally need two things in life, to love and be loved. This comes out in a variety of perturbations when needs were not met in the formative years. Few choose to confront as it is a very fearful experience for most.
I’ve had several personal experience with these types, promoting wonderful aspirations and opportunity only to turn on a dime when their choices crumble the house of cards they created. They take no responsibility and look for the nearest scapegoat to blame for their ills. It also says something for my gaps in discernment, wanting to believe what I hear instead of what I feel.
My personal experience with one such person after many attempts with e-mails and phone calls, I showed up in person. They home-officed so the front door was convenient and did not open, even though I heard the voice of the offender telling the dog to be quiet. Interesting behavior… scared child effect.
At other times I’ve spoken the truth in a situation, using words carefully to express from a personal, not projective, place. I’ve found that people will remove themselves once that is done when outside a brick and mortar structure. Within company confines, it can turn quite nasty with their own projective behaviors. Boundaries need to be established and the effort necessary must be made. Work environments don’t often want to address these situations. A good leader will because it affects the team.
I’ve seen people like this cost others hundreds of thousands of dollars. I’ve seen them nearly ruin the confidence and trust others had built with contractors and vendors. In some cases they have caused complete chaos in others’ lives that took decades to resolve.
It occurred to me to add that the most visited page on my oldest website, BeTheDream.net, is a paper I wrote on personal ethics. I’m encouraged that people are beginning to look within their own actions and motivations in order to affect/effect change.
13.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:48 pm e
Al Giovetti – The best use of preditory behaviour is “enlightened self interest,” where both people gain from the exchange.
If an exchange is always one sided, where one person is always the taker and there is no exchange of benefit on both sides, this is really not a relationship. There can be no true friendship or relationship where one person constantly takes and the other person constantly gives. There must be give and take.
I am reminded of the difference between empathy and simpathy. Most people dont benefit from simpathy, but they do benefit from empathy. Most people dont want simpathy, but they welcome empathy. Try to understand the other person’s motivation.
Some situations require that you receive payment for the benefits that you give others. If the other person refuses to pay (payment does not have to be money) you can refuse to deal with the person at all. You can simply break off the relationship.
Or you can seek out situations where the two of you benefit from the situation. Start offering situations where you both benefit from the situation. Start out small with small things and then try to work up once trust is established.
A preditory person is probably in considerable pain from rejection from other people. Firm acceptance of the other person along with their faults and creative bargaining could result in redeaming the other person from their own personal Dante’s Inferno.
14.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:49 pm e
Randy Evans, Ph.D – In the string of answers, please note that engagement and disengagement are the two preferred strategies. I have found that either one of these approaches is better than doing nothing–the predatory person sees a vacuum and just keeps going like a bad virus. In some cases, you need to run away from the person as fast as you can. In other cases, you have little choice but to deal with them, especially if they reside in your organization in a power position. In these cases, I also follow the advice below: actively question them, make their covert strategies transparent, embrace their resistance–as some one once said–”you need to be closer to your enemies than your friends.”
15.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:50 pm e
Tom Field – Well, I’ve seen careers — which is to “lives” — derailed by predatory people. If they sniff blood … feeding frenzy.
I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they don’t know their actions are so harmful. Maybe it’s unintentional.
But after bringing this behavior to their attention, if they continue to prey, then it’s time to either be their manager or go to their manager and make every effort to ensure that the beasts are contained somewhere they can’t harm anyone.
Inaction is a bad plan. These predators are the proverbial bad apple on a team. They will spoil it.
16.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:51 pm e
Chris Callahan – Know what you are dealing with and protect yourself. I don’t out them, but ignore them. I am a true believer in what comes around goes around so these people will get what’s coming to them one day from the man upstairs. I do not play to their level because then I would become no better then them.
A healthy life is all about good karma……nice guys DO NOT FINISH LAST, but it does take a us a bit longer to get to the top.
17.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:52 pm e
Ian Millar – When I know I’m working with these types, I always like to be measured in what I say and how I say it. They are always trying to get information and “use” me. So, I tend to have a lot of “non-information” to share with them. For instance when meeting in a group event of people I know are trying to capture information about clients we are both competing for, I will usually say something that everyone already knows, as though it’s a totally new revelation. Watching the reaction of the predators tells me how much they actually know about it. Appearing ignorant before predators is not a bad thing. Being wiley is good.
I think a good example of how to work with these is to watch President Bush. The media and his many critics portray him as stupid. That works to his advantage because he is extremely cunning and not stupid at all. He likes to allow them to believe that he is. That way they constantly underestimate him and his abilities.
For those who would disagree because of his mistakes, I will say that you cannot find a successful leader in history who did not make great mistakes. A leader too cautious to make mistakes is no leader at all.
Whether you like him or not, consider that he has beaten the odds at many levels since leaving Texas. Right now, he’s eating the lunch of his critics. Even with a majority, congress is stymied by the man. He is constantly 2 steps ahead of anyone who opposes him. So, I think he’s a good example, in some ways, of how to deal with predatory types.
18.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:53 pm e
Samia Chaudhry – Our generation today is experiencing a very competitive era. The stress, the rat race are all driving them to develop an attitude we call – predatory.
Some individuals do not know the fine line between being confident & strategic and opportunistic & manipulative.
The best way to deal with such a personality is to simply distance yourself – do not indulge in long conversations – or arguments.
Protect yourself against them – and dont go about saying bad things about them either as that may bring you to a point of argument with them at some stage.
If you are managing an opportunistic individual – try to give more importance to the other hard working and dedicated staff rather then this attention seeking, underhanded individual.
The initial message the person will get is: you dont like them. But if you remain fair in your dealings and yet do not give in to the attention seeking stunts – it will get them to understand why certain people in the firm are doing better then them.
Remember – such people are always sharp enough to win arguments- win underhanded attention – they strive on support from people around them. The more you give them the better off they are. Hence refrain from giving them what they want.
If you try to hurt their reputation – they can become vengeful towards you. They also have a strong ego and can act extremely manipulative – no matter how strong you are, if you are ethical, you will never want to stoop to their level and they can fairly well get away with their attitude.
19.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:54 pm e
Jason Seiden – It’s like I’m genetically predisposed to call these people on their behavior. But here’s the problem: not everyone agrees on what constitutes predatory behavior, nor will everyone who agrees that someone is predatory reach that conclusion at the same time. (See the opening scene from _All About Eve_ for a perfect example of how a predator can be simultaneously loved and loathed.) So I need to be careful.
Early in my career, I had an experience where I constantly challenged someone’s lying. Unfortunately for me, no one else on the team thought his indiscretions were as big a deal as I did. And in fact, no one lie he told was that big of a deal. I stood alone in thinking that the composite picture was bad, and my position got me ostracized (socially) by the team. The guy in question ultimately was caught in a whopper and was thrown off the team, but being vindicated didn’t really help me recover with my other teammates. No one likes to hear “I told you so,” and I didn’t have to say it for them to hear it.
Since then, I’ve learned to handle situations like that with more astuteness. Where I have authority, I move very quickly to remove or isolate such individuals. The corrosive power of misinformation and mental abuse can be incredible difficult to overcome, and leadership is tough enough without it. Where I don’t, I spend time behind the scenes asking questions and helping people make conscious decisions about who and what they believe. I challenge them to have the courage to take responsibility for themselves, rather than put their faith blindly in others. I make sure people know where I stand, and I give them the reasons why I believe what I do. Then I give them the tools to reach their own conclusions and then I step aside, leaving them free to agree or disagree with me… and I don’t judge their conclusions. Not everyone will have the strength to remove themself from a predator’s path–especially a charismatic predator–but at least this way their eyes will be wide open, and my relationship with them will be protected, so that if they ever need help, they can ask for it while saving face.
20.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:56 pm e
Thorleif Herrström – Different people have different objectives with their work life and different limitations on what they are prepared to do. The times I have found true predatory people I have tried to
- implement enough punishments for “unsocial” behaviour, for instance enough group bonuses
- have discussions with “non-predatory” people of the work-group that I judge have some sort of position in the group to watch out for predatory behaviour and stop piggy-backing in the group
- finally – if nothing else is working – I have a very frank and open discussion with the person in question, with the objective to make a deal: They act for the total group and then tehy will have some personal benefit out of that.
In astonishly many cases you achieve less predatory actions, but of course, people who think they are God’s gift to humanity are not changed in essence. But maybe their behaviour is more acceptable.
21.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:57 pm e
Vivek Tikoo – Allow them to play their game in the way they are playing it. Since you know internally what is being done by this person, constantly start talking about consequences in the event the game does not work out (the way the person says things should get done or influences the team to think in a particular maneer ) with him in the presence of others.Also constantly talk of the other way of doing things (the right way – which is your way ) and talk about why that is also beneficial to the users of that way of doing things.
Chances are – and it happens – most of the times , that the person does get trapped and realizes that he/she cannot play that game when and where you are involved or with the others that may be involved.
This leads to eventual reduction is such a behaviour by this person.
Elimination of this behaviour normally does not happen , reduction surely happens !
22.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:58 pm e
James Parsons – While I appreciate the inclination to “out” them, I also think that you have to be very careful that you are right before you assume, and if you fire that ‘explain yourself’ publically and they are legit, you often can be the one that looks foolish. I have people question my motives at time – simply because they don’t understand why I do what I do (often from their own skeptism) and I have learned to use the skill of Verbal Judo (which is intended to be defensive in nature, not aggressive) back on them. I know enough people that do know and trust me, I clearly have the upper hand in those situation – or at best it is a draw, and I will forever disregard that person.
I think the best way to deal with problem people is to distance yourself. If they are on linkedin, there is definitely freedom to delink yourself from someone. Your profile on someone else’s contacts give them credibility, and I think it is prudent to distance yourself and give them no credence from your profile. If asked, I would report the facts of what occurred, and your concerns – letting others draw their own conclusions. In time, the people who are like that – will show themselves accordingly. A pattern will exist and be clearly evident.
In my suggestion of dealing with people generally, I think it is helpful to look at signs of credibility. Ask alot of questions, so you know you are certain about hunches (and make the questions truly open ended – rather than cross-examination/accusatory questions – the phrase “I am concerned that … and give the supporting facts” can be helpful. And I would do that off-line, not public until you are certain you are correct!! I think people often can be judged by the company they pick – who is close to them, who has recommended them, etc. I also think you can determine much by looking at their resume. Do they show leadership and outside connections? You can’t maintain those without community credibility? Have you confirmed they are doing what they say they have listed – to the extent that you can do independent investigation on other websites, etc.? Google can be a great tool in research.
Unless you are certain in your assumptions, and if you don’t want to hassle with confirming them, then I think you just distance yourself – be polite in neutral settings, but only offer basic community pleasantries – and not respond to anything they ask. If you believe their actions actually constitute criminal behavior, you might report them to appropriate law enforcement agencies. While they may not act on one complaint, unless it shows fraud, it documents the action – and if there is a pattern, the enforcement will come.
At the same time, I think setting examples of ethical and kind behavior can be the best defense! There are a lot of great people out there – and by being a beacon to those that have similar values, you will draw them to you. Fostering ethical behavior by example is often a better course than criticizing others publically for their apparent unethical behavior. And as far as protecting yourself, being well connected and a leader is ALWAYS a great way to make yourself a less attractive target. Those that are attacked often are those who are alone – and have no allies to call.
23.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:59 pm e
Ahmed Tantan – Your concern not only applies to individuals but also to corporate America.
When was the end goal ever about the consumer? We might say it in our marketing campaigns but the bottom line is how we can suck the life out of everyone.
To get back to your question, the answer lays in the prospective of the concerned:
In my company I can make sure such people do not get hired, but if some how they slip through the cracks, they will need to learn how to share through various group activities.
However, if the self-consumed ego maniac is a colleague of mine, then a little diplomacy and mostly leading by example should show them the big picture.
We humans by nature are honest, ethical, caring, modest, and good in general. It is through our life experiences that we change. Our nucleus is always pure, and no matter how bad we become there’s always a chance that we get back to our origin.
24.
August 9th, 2007 at 2:00 pm e
Maz Iqbal – I start off trusting and then I respond in kind – ‘tit for tat’. This means I can be and have been taken ‘advantage’ off. However this only happens once and I make sure that the other party pays. How?
When I deal with someone and they act honorably I share that fact with everyone that I know in the mutual network. When I deal with someone and they act dishonorably then I also share that fact with everyone that is in our mutual network. And I make sure that the persons I am talking about know that I am talking about and what I am saying about them.
So you can say that I incentivise people to act well and not to act badly. However, this does not stop everyone!
25.
August 9th, 2007 at 2:01 pm e
Marty Chobot – Caveat, this comes from a pretty direct guy so probably not a good strategy for all people or situations.
My approach: Out them. When you see them manipulating a situation, call them on it in a public way. Doesn’t necessarily have to be mean or agressive but ask them to explain their intentions.
Example: you have a person with a hidden agenda in a meeting where you’re presenting. Maybe they make a comment or smile at something you say. Call them out – ask them to share with the group.
I highly recommend a book called Verbal Judo – basis for my approach…
26.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:24 pm e
Brad Morrison – If it is in out scope of work/job description to watch out for and address this behavior, it is our duty to do so.
If it out of our scope of work/job description, it is subjective and none of our business regardless of our feelings.
If more people followed this basic Socratic approach to contracts and action, these opportunists and predators would have less to work with. Most predators are social manipulators. If we stay on our course, they can’t affect us.
We are the only ones who can give them power. If no one did, they wouldn’t exsist.
27.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:26 pm e
Rick Monihan – I used to “out” them, but found that by doing so, there was a natural inclination for others to gravitate toward the “bad boy” (or girl) personality. So I became more understanding and forgiving. I avoided these people, and rather than “out” them, would warn friends that I was suspicious of their behavior. That usually was enough to put people off.
That said, I’m surprised that people consider firms or corporations predatory. Some are, no doubt. But the end result of any group or organization MUST be the happiness of the consumer, or they will ultimately fail. US car manufacturers are suffering this fate, as they generally ignored consumer sentiment for the last 28 years, and took advantage of the political process to keep themselves “viable” for as long as possible. Predatory behavior will gain substantial short term gain, but very little long term.
I have seen predatory behavior create environments that are seemingly pro-employee and then, over time, become sad tales of depressing morale. People hear great stories and are energized in the short run, only to feel they need to leave a year or so into the game.
28.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:27 pm e
Ana Nobre Rebelo Gonçalves – I agree with most answers: get rid of them.
But, (I regret to say this): assure your enemy is dead, don’t let him just bleeding!
I know this is a bit taught, but is the way the world is. If you have to confront one of those specimens, you can not just advertise or punish or even fire. You have to assure that he won’t cross your way again, because if we are talking if a predator and you had the courage to face him…you will be the next in his alimentary chain.
In real world: you must do something that prevents that person to climb up or, in case of dismissal, engage in a competitor knowing all your company business.
I know some examples of results of letting predatory people alive…and it’s terrible:
1) A company directorA had some words with another director B and after executive committee intervention, the first guy was fired. But they forget to make him sign a non-disclosure clause in the resign document. Director A found a new job and he stayed low-profile for sometime.
Director B (the bravo’s guy) was promoted and get both A and B sectors to manage.
Director A was the predator whose life had been spared. While he was in his new company, he move all his influence and gather a group of experts, they all dismissed themselves and created a new independent small company X. Imagine what: the core business of company X was the same of director A former employer.
And to be sure he won’t fail his target, he got political informal support.
He offered the services to main board at a lower price, making impossible to avoid the outsourcing and consequent dismissal of his “old enemy” director B! Also all the employees close to director B were fired, but as a good predator, he didn’t forget the non-disclosure agreement, so these people cannot work on their expertise areas!
How far some people go for a revenge!
2) Another true story: a very very ambitious lady, just arrived in the company. She holds everything that could help her way to heaven: sometimes she stayed near lan printers, just to find out what colleagues were doing, and in some cases, prints disappeared. She copied every presentation, every proposal made. The colleagues couldn’t stand her anymore, and complained to management. But they forgot that she had been catching information about their work.
When she was put aside, instead of protesting, she gladly offered her manager to help colleagues that where overloaded working in a critical proposal. And she presented all the work done in few days, based on all the information she had been gathering..
Guess what: she got a promotion. Her first decision was to fire all the old colleagues that presented complains against her, with the allegation they weren’t productive because she had to do all their work alone!
29.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:28 pm e
Victoria – I point them toward some “red meat” … there are so many opportunities, if they don’t have fresh ideas of their own, I tell them about something that I have thought to do and decided to focus my energy elsewhere.
30.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:28 pm e
Thorleif Herrström – Different people have different objectives with their work life and different limitations on what they are prepared to do. The times I have found true predatory people I have tried to
- implement enough punishments for “unsocial” behaviour, for instance enough group bonuses
- have discussions with “non-predatory” people of the work-group that I judge have some sort of position in the group to watch out for predatory behaviour and stop piggy-backing in the group
- finally – if nothing else is working – I have a very frank and open discussion with the person in question, with the objective to make a deal: They act for the total group and then tehy will have some personal benefit out of that.
In astonishly many cases you achieve less predatory actions, but of course, people who think they are God’s gift to humanity are not changed in essence. But maybe their behaviour is more acceptable.
I think that you have to accept differences, and what I think is predatory or selfish is what others think is OK. Coming from Sweden I am very often astonished about how americans act and what they think is OK to do. I have worked in South America where everyone almost have a second and a third agenda (this is of course exaggerating) and where people think you are stupid if you don’t have it. In some countries in Latin America (Bolivia for instance) they call people who don’t have a second agenda for “Suecos” (Swedes). They say: Don’t play that you are a Sueco.
I have worked with people from all over the world and my position is that my value system emerges from where I come from (country, social class, education, political views etc) and to be able to work with other people I have to adjsut to them and their values, find out how they look upon the situation and from that form a “deal” that makes it work.
I have not had the luxury to be able to “out” people I don’t like, I have tried to find the common grounds instead, and also being very frank and very open with my feelings and what I have registered.
I don’t see working life as a battle, I see it as a business. And when you do busines you negotiate deals, you have to compromise and you make agreements. I think that this is the way to deal with all actions you disapporve of.
31.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:29 pm e
Dr. Shaun Jamison – Run away! If they truly are predatory, most of us are not qualified to help them. They need therapy. Try to figure out what actually is the case if they are predatory or if they are temporarily a problem.
Damages -
1. Exhausting management, coworker and HR resources
2. Turnover (employee, management, and customer)
3. The work doesn’t get done.
4. The predator sues you.
5. The predator’s coworkers sue you.
6. The predator’s customers sue you.
The solution? Hire right in the first place.
32.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:30 pm e
David Marcotte – There is normally a moment in time when you realize that people that you are working with in a reasonable and constructive manner are self-centered to a point that makes working with them an exercise in questioning. So, to cycle through:
- You report to them: Make sure everything is public and documented and hope for a change, or seek out another boss which is generally possible these days. If you don’t at some point you will find yourself in a bad situation that either is career or personally damaging … bad.
- You work with them: Avoidance and isolation. Minimal response to their demands always kept in context to the group’s needs. Be aware of what they are about in private and counter if it becomes problematic. If in public then make the call to let them go with their agenda in parallel and ignore it. Always remember the one downside … people like this are all to often promoted by others like themselves, so some caution.
- They’re your customers: Do you need them that bad? How damaging are they in the short and long term? Can you handle the possible loss of income by not calling on them? Depending on the answer treat them like a variation of the boss problem
There are a host of others, but as a rule I would run thru the following in order:
1. Avoidance
2. Isolation
3. Submerge them in a group
4. Document
5. Confront – in this case public outing is usually reward emotionally, but not as productive. Simply make them know that you can cause more harm to them, than they to you.
33.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:31 pm e
Mike Hildebrandt – I have way too much experience with people like this, so take what I say as a learned response. I’ve seen everything from stealing to using companies and companies’ employees for personal gain to outright narcissim and insecurity enabling senior managment to fire entire staffs of people to protect themselves and hide thier lack of ability.
1. If someone is condesending to you or another person in your organization – don’t associate yourself with them at all. Condesention is the one key primer for what’s to come. They will eventually try to use this percieved superiority for personal gain — usually by trying to sway hearts and minds of co-workers by belittling others. (Condesention is also my biggest, biggest pet peeve). Phd, MBA, GED we all deserved to be judged on our work at face value.
2. If avoidance isn’t possible – say you’re in a small group. The best way is to be up front about your ethics. Wear them on your sleeve so to speak. The trick is you have to live up to your word. But if you are honorable this should be no problem.
3. If this person has crossed your line – sit them down privately and tell them they have. Don’t close the door on them, though. Give them the opportunity to behave differently. Keep it private at first.
4. If it turns into a war and they’ve learned that you’ve sniffed them and thier tactics out, you have to be ready for war. It’s a tough choice, but be prepared. They will come after you first. You should be preparing the instant you’ve recognized a predator to protect your job, your standing in the company. They will count on your own ethics preventing you from doing that. Remember, being ethical doesn’t mean being weak.
At this point it depends on the company, your own personal standing, and a lot of other variables. If you are at odds with someone philosophically, sometimes it’s best to move on. Surround yourself with better people. If you need your job, or want to fight for it, make every battle public. You’ve tried it privately at first, and that didn’t work. Do not let this person sit behind closed doors telling stories of you. Control your own reputation.
Also, a good tactic is to be as close to this person as possible. Keep your enemies closer – so to speak.
At the end of the day – if you are happy with yourself and have been a person with integrity it will show through and opportunities will come to you. Trust in that. It will burn them up inside.
34.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:32 pm e
Patreece Thompson, MD – Courage and ability to see the good beneath evil is required to follow strategies outlined below. If this person is really dangerous, then you’ll need others to assist you.
Personally or professionally, I have never to my knowledge encountered really unethical predatory people in 35+years of adult life unless they were my psychiatric patients. By the grace of God, I survived without harm. On maybe 2 occasions, professionals attempted to rock my world. Using strategies below, I was able to maintain my equilibrium at work. In general, I have enjoyed loving relationships at work, home and socially.
Steps.
1. Determine your goal. Do you want to stop this person’s behavior or do you want to be calm in their presence? If you want to stop their behavior, forget it. The strategies I suggest below are changes for you to make so that you can master our emotions and remain in control whenever this person is in your presence. If you remain afraid or intimidated by this type of person, you’ll always be a victim either directly or emotionally (you’ll feel week or off balance). People never change unless they go through a TEM (traumatic emotional experience) or some kind of spiritual awakening.
2. Think about if you have encountered this person or similar situations in your past. It is interesting when people are reminded of family members or past employers. Let this person be a wonderful opportunity to practice.
3. Have you ever been insensitive and self-consumed? How would you like someone to give you feedback? Put yourself in this person’s shoes. We know they are troubled.
4. Depending on your religion, pray for person or do something that focuses you on higher emotions.
5. Breathe – helps to relieve tension
Engage in the Crucial Conversation
A. Define one concrete specific BEHAVIOR that is problematic. (e.g. in a meeting taking praise for work that you know for a fact was done by someone else or you.). Don’t use labels – just adds to confusion. You may see this person as opportunistic and this person (and others) may see him/her as simply assertively self-promoting. Focus on the behavior you find most troublesome.
B. Define something wonderful or positive about the person to change your perspective. [I'm reminded of a joke that states "no man is completely worthless, he can always serve as a horrible example"]. Search hard, there is always a redeeming quality.
C. Schedule meeting time (30 min and no more). Give reason for meeting – by starting out with something like, you are a person I see as valuable in x ways, but there are things you do that bother me and I just want to know if you are doing it intentionally.
Likely reactions:
1. Person will be curious and listen. Speaking from your perspective say: e.g. I have observed you doing X or what you did made me feel angry and manipulated. Was that your intent? It is fascinating to watch the confusion that this creates when a person like this is confronted with the truth from your perspective. If they say no, then express hope and faith behavior will not occur again. From thenceforth, look for the next opportunity when person behaves ethically or wonderfully, so you can immediately thank them and show appreciation.
2.`Person will say don’t want to hear it.
Then certainly have little or nothing to do with person except when they evidence positive behaviors, then immediately thank them and express appreciation. Shock and awe will be result.
I have found most annoying people don’t know they are that way because people are afraid to tell them. They continue on smug in the knowledge that what they are doing is getting them the results they want.
If all else fails, do what certain speakers do to overcome stage fright – imagine the individual naked.
35.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:33 pm e
Sandeep “Deepa” Walia – I don’t mean to defend such folks, but if we are talking about in a work environment, sometimes this behavior stems from those higher up than them. In my experience, some types of organizations/management breed this type of behavior and it trickles down. Sometimes it helps to take a step back and ask yourself: are you in an environment where you are rewarded for the collective well-being of the department/group/organization or is it more of an individual goals = individual rewards? If it is the latter, chances are this person is in a high-stress, high demand, and high expectation environment and, unfortunately, just doesn’t know how to deal with all that is happening. To solve this problem, it must be solved at the root.
A friend gave me the following example of bartenders at bars that I have never been able to forget. If a bartender’s working at a bar where tips are pooled and shared at the end of the day, he/she will be more willing to take the time to help fellow colleagues, because the management is creating that kind of a culture by adopting this policy and rewarding the workers for it. However, if it’s each man/woman for himself/herself and you take home what you can make, he/she will most likely spend that time with their own customers. Because, ultimately, there is no reward for taking that time away from themselves to help others.
36.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:34 pm e
Susan Otterson – Once the predator has locked its claws into its prey, they toy with it like cat before consuming it. Or they offer it up to their boss.
Honestly, if a predator has their sights on you, there is not much you can do. You can hide, but not for long. You can rat them out to their boss, but they usually have their boss wrapped around their little finger, so that doesn’t work. You can pray that they leave for greener pastures.
37.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:36 pm e
Andrew Meyer – I would suggest that one first has to discover what their real motive is. People generally don’t resist things that clearly benefit them. Why are they resisting? Is it job protection? Are they overstressed? Are their political/personal influences? Is there a personality conflict somewhere?
If there is a source, it can be dealt with. Either that, or the wise words of Al Capone come to mind: “You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.”
38.
August 10th, 2007 at 8:32 am e
Erin Doherty – I have had unfortunate encounters with predators in both my personal and my professional life. So far, I have found that the best method of dealing with someone who is looking to take advantage is to curtail their access to information. It’s much harder for a predator to take advantage of a situation they know little about.
From a professional standpoint, this can be difficult and in that case, I only communicate in writing (email or hard copy) and request that they do the same. Most people who behave this way are very convincing verbally, but transparent when trying to manipulate things in writing.
From a personal standpoint, I have no problem whatsoever cutting opportunists, narcissists, and other borderline people out of my life. I was a very trusting person and that got me into trouble until I realized being so trusting and willing to accept people was making me miserable.
As far as damage, I’ve seen opportunists break up long-term relationships, destroy teams with power grabs, and inflict enough stress in their direct reports to cause serious health problems.
39.
August 10th, 2007 at 8:37 am e
Bjorn Martinoff – Check out Antisocial Personality Disorder !
People can be afflicted by this disorder to a greater or lesser degree.
Managers with Antisocial Personality Disorder create deep divisions within teams, people around them often fall sick, employees can become deeply depressed and lose their self-confidence, most employees however will leave before this happens, so when there is a manager with this disorder you will see a high turnover.
They often have issues with Authority figures and will involve themselves in arguments and fights regularly.
They have no remorse in hurting others whatsoever.
They may occur as very nice but somehow you always feel worse after talking to them.
They are often highly intelligent and successful because they are ruthless and only care about themselves.
If they ever do anything good for others it’s only to further their own cause.
They are deeply afraid of other being better at something so they will do anything to keep others small and disempowered.
Antisocial personality disorder (APD) is a psychiatric condition characterized by an individual’s common disregard for social rules, norms, and cultural codes, as well as impulsive behavior, and indifference to the rights and feelings of others. Antisocial personality disorder is terminology used by the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, while the World Health Organization’s ICD-10 refers to Dissocial personality disorder. People diagnosed with this disorder are typically called Sociopaths.
Working with these people is at best difficult, you can either completely subordinate yourself to them (they will still hurt you), or become their friend (they are only in it for themselves), however the best solution is to remove yourself from their influence.
40.
August 10th, 2007 at 8:39 am e
Jim Graham – This is a real problem in my industry where the investing public must rely on the good faith of professionals to deliver appropriate advice that suits the clients rather than suits the adviser. It also matters for colleagues, as predatory behaviour can damage a company’s reputation within a community to the point where their business also suffers.
I treat this as a personality problem. Like all personality traits, they have evolved to either maximise advantage or minimise disadvantage. It is therefore important to maximise the disadvantage of being predatory. Any such obvious acts of predation should result in disadvantage to the predator in areas that matter to them ie reduced financial reward, slower promotion, being excluded from prestigous internal advisory groups and so on. Company policy, compliance, senior management oversight helps, but it is probably more important for key influencers within the company to be involved as well. By being fully inclusive the company can create a culture that doesn’t encourage personal gain to the disadvantage of those around them. However, it should not send a signal that personal gain is in itself bad.
If all else fails, switch them to tasks within your organisation that do require this kind of aggressive behaviour (ie deploy their ‘talents’ more effectively) or bounce them out. You can probably more afford the legal consequences than you can the loss of a good reputation, or good staff to your competitor.
41.
August 10th, 2007 at 8:43 am e
Bart Leahy – I’ve been fortunate to work in environments where this type of personality is rare. However, that’s not to say I haven’t experienced them. In my particular situation, the individual in question tried to use me to advance their career while putting me in a bit of hot water, as I really didn’t have the bandwidth to do the work. The process was: I do the work, said work gets recognized, predatory person A gets the recognition for bringing me in to do the work and bringing me under his/her umbrella.
Fortunately, I did not actually report to that person. I did have to do the work, since I was d@mnfool enough to commit to it, but after a firm talking-to from my supervisor, I understood the situation and agreed not to do additional work for this person.
I believe this type of person functions best in a status- or position-driven environment rather than a merit-driven environment because their method of operating (MO) only works if they can benefit from YOUR capabilities. So the best defense would be (and I know this now): ask yourself if the work another person is asking you to do is a) within your purview/job description and b) something which YOU will benefit from. If the answer is NO on both, it is time to push back and ask, “Why do you want/need this done? It isn’t in my line of work.” Or, the ever-popular and time-gaining strategy: “I need to check with my supervisor first.” If you’re in a hierarchical organization with clear chains of command, this will stop the predatory personality dead in their tracks.
If you’re in a merit-based organization, of course, “What’s in it for me?” comes to you naturally and you don’t need to question people’s motives because you’ll know them up front.
42.
August 10th, 2007 at 8:44 am e
Putake Tepario – One of best things in this country is baseball. Not the sport of itself … its boring! The best is the baseball BAT, a good tool, and one can use in more than how Barry Bonds (bless the soul of that man) used it two days back.
In my personal life I use baseball bat for dealing with predatory people. A good whacking across back is a very good “waking up call.” If thats not working then across the face, nose or jaw is a good target.
Interesting movie about predatory people is “Better Luck Tomorrow”. Except all people predatory, no clear good guys.
43.
August 11th, 2007 at 8:48 am e
Rajesh Venugopal – Confrontation is not a good solution in my opinion. Be cunning and suck up to him for your benefit. Let him start trusting you and keep his action in abeyance.
We cannot blame him for trying to negotiate a rolex from the dead body. People negotiate all the time. My experience is to keep talking to such people, present options to them just to delay the outcome. In the meantime, you find your best alternatives.
44.
August 11th, 2007 at 8:50 am e
Genevieve Hokanson – Dealing with the myself at work at the moment — never an easy situation to deal with so whatever you are doing, I hope it works. For myself, this person is “above” me in the chain-of-command, and thus my options are pretty limited. Do you stay with a company that allows that in the higher-ups? Or do you just realize that perhaps that is what got them there in the first place, and you won’t beat it at any other company either?
I have simply learned a few things:
1) Don’t trust them. Someone answered with the “burn me once” approach–I agree. I tend to be on the trusting side, but after once or twice you just realize that it is better not to trust that person with anything, nor say anything to them that you wouldn’t want repeated to the world.
2) Be honest and forthright yourself — be the example of the person you wish them to be. I heard a story once that ended something like this “If you want more love in the world, have more love in your heart. If you want people around you to change, you change first.” You must be an agent of change by changing and becoming an even better person yourself. At least then you have the luxury of being the example, and enough humility to realize you aren’t perfect either.
3) Be extra careful to document everything. Document conversations with follow-up email. Save everything you get or give them. And finally, when it comes down to it — ignore them if at all possible.
Bjorn: That sounds like the person I’m dealing with! I am in a bit of a troubled situation, because removing myself would mean quitting my job — and I really do love my position. I suppose it comes down to whether or not the stress and anxiety caused by the person is worth the job. A hard question indeed.
45.
August 11th, 2007 at 8:53 am e
Dr. Nariman Panahian, PMP – Predators, the name says it all…Yes, they can do a lot of harm, even cost you your job..
But it is not about them (predators) that really matters, it is what kind of an image does this person project so they see him/her as a potential target..
As one ex-military pointed out: ‘If you look like food you will be eaten..”
46.
August 11th, 2007 at 8:54 am e
Simone Tornabene – Well in the Taijiquan martial arts, ancient masters say: “the bigger wins the smaller is nature, the smaller wins the bigger is art”. I mean: the first quality of any leader (as worker and as person), is to manage situation without enter in direct competition with other people. If you use a direct-impact strategy in order to deal with predatory people, probably you will be not the winner, and if it is, you will pay a huge cost.
My personal suggestion: You need to control only key-point in order to prevail upon a predator. Keep in mind that predatory people ara always moved by self-interest, so instead of trying to challenge them directly, it’s better to trying to have control (or at least influence) over the object of their interest. If it will be not possible, and you need to “fight” against them directly, remember that they often have a big “ego”, so you can try to irritate them in order to confusing their abilities. They are very able in reasoning and reaching targets with proper strategies. So you need to move without show any thoughts about your strategy.
Don’t lose your self-control, never.
47.
August 11th, 2007 at 8:55 am e
Tim Tuohy – Preditors are searching for exceptions. The weakest are always easiest to prey upon but they inveriably find those who are searchers, searchers drift outside the herd looking for a way out or for food or for pleasure or some other perceived potential reward. Think of the human group as a herd and you will see some who are on the fringes, either due to a weakness, or due to some other motivator that causes them to be an exception to the rules of the herd. There you find the preditor seeking a place to attack. Herd protocol says make the herd aware of the preditor and train the herd on what the preditor is doing. Of course if you’re the herdsman, you’re the one charged with eliminating the threat to you herd.
Remember, a dog is a preditor as well and can be trained to help you keep the herd going in the right direction. In which case you need to train the dog to bark, not bite.
48.
August 11th, 2007 at 8:56 am e
Wendy Mello – While my first inclination is to take them out at the knees with a very hard baseball bat, that is not the best response.
Depending on their position in your world, it doesn’t take long in an ethical organization before they hang themselves. In the meantime, you keep your defenses up and take as much power away from them as possible without becoming predatory yourself.
If someone sees you as prey, you must have a weakness. Find it, fix it and move on. Send them a nice thank you note when you’re done and file it under ‘another good learning experience’.
49.
August 11th, 2007 at 8:57 am e
Marc Rapp – I meet them with equal conviction and, if possible, expose their agenda. Some work environments are far to small to support this personality however, it’s very difficult to prove that someone is being predatory.
As for damage; I’ve seen companies close their doors, people usurp positions of power they themselves are unqualified to full fill and talented, humble employees leave the company.
I’ve also found that most of the time, the predators have no real agenda other then to control the situation. They’re not assuming control for a proposed ‘better’ solution or new process. They simply want to be at the top. And that type of focus never benefits the greater whole that is, a company or organization.
Behead the dragons.
50.
August 11th, 2007 at 8:59 am e
Vincent Rios – How do you deal with predatory people? … see the rest of the world as ‘prey’ to be manipulated and consumed – insensitive to others and self-consumed… My questions are: How do you deal with their predatory types? What strategies (if any) have you found that work? What damage have you seen them do?
I have read the many answers given and it is clear to me that the most passionate answers all are drawing from personal experience. When you have experienced a “real” predator that has come into your life, you know that you are in danger no matter what you try to do to overcome their tactics.
The first and preferred choice in winning this war (which is what interacting with them is) is denying the battle. Give them a wide berth, stay away, avoid them…
Unfortunately they are generally inserted into your life and you have no choice but to deal with them. Most times you do not know they are a predator until they are already too close to you. …and avoidance will only make you blind to the killing blow that they will inevitably throw at you.
You need to interact with them (especially in the context of work). You need to do your job, which might include them. You need to conduct your life. You cannot let them throw you off you own game of trying to be successful with your own objectives. But never put down your guard. Because they will strike using what information you gave them and if you are not careful, it will be a killing blow.
51.
August 11th, 2007 at 9:00 am e
Shana Z. Spak – Life is short. Don’t allow people like this to consume any of your valuable energy. Don’t think about them, don’t talk about them, don’t worry about them. Water seeks it’s own level; they are oil.
52.
August 11th, 2007 at 9:05 am e
Dennis Furr – Predatory behaviour can be either favourable or not, depending on ethics. We might agree that a predatory person who seizes opportunities where matters of ethics are consistent with the interest of a community would be called a visionary. This is a valuable leadership quality and shouldn’t be tainted with derogatory labels.
Assuming that my argument survives scrutiny, I would suggest that this question becomes a more general question of ethics. There are three broad categories that we might use for judgement.
-Actions where we agree and would actively support
-Actions where we have no opinion or are unqualified to respond
-Actions where we would actively challenge
It’s important to note the difference between actions where we have no opinion or are unqualified to respond and actions that we haven’t given adequate consideration. The former is a conscience decision and requires active participation. The latter reflects on our own abilities to prioritise and is a passive response that potentially could bring our own personal/professional/ethical conduct into question.
Assuming that we still agree, I would suggest that the question now becomes more of a calculation. I’m not adequately qualified to suggest a formula but I can suggest some of the functions that should be considered.
-Is there an alternate point of view in the relevant context where the action could be considered ethical or unethical?
-Is the relationship between ethical conduct and business interest defined?
-Who are the beneficiaries of the action?
-Are there damages to be considered?
-Are there legal implications/considerations?
-Does this decision maker have a historical record of inappropriate behaviour?
I’m sure that I’ve missed out other factors but they can be added by those much more qualified than myself.
53.
August 11th, 2007 at 7:19 pm e
Terry Parsons – It is probably important to acknowledge at the outset that human beings are, by nature, predatory creatures. We are, in fact, the top preditor on this planet; so by definition everyone is preditory to some degree. It is therefore not a question of dealing with preditors, it is a question of identifying, and then dealing with someone who is excessively preditory to a degree that is damaging to those around him or her.
How you respond to this situation should take into consideration your relationship with the person in question. If they are your boss, you will need to respond differently than if they are your employee, your friend, your spouse (god forbid), etc. It is as important to be able to identify a destructively preditory person as it is to deal with them. I would define destructive predation as predation that is self-defeating in that it reduces it’s own ability to succeed. Someone else mentioned tha